Rinse,Cut,Color and Treat
by JayJayHale
Summary: Who is the one person we should trust with our deepest, darkest secrets? Our hairdressers of course! Just a one shot of Alice and Bella and their three favourite hairdressers...funny, funny, funny!


**Rinse, Dry, Color and Treat.**

"Are you ready?" I whispered to my best friend, Alice Brandon. She shook her head fiercely.

"They are going to fer-reak when they see this," she pointed to her scarf that covered her head.

Granted, it was a beautiful honeysuckle colored silk Hermes scarf, but nothing was going to cover the horrendous crime scene that lay underneath it. My own hair was covered in a similar scarf. I nodded mutely, agreeing to the impending freak out that was going to occur, and reached for her hand. She grabbed it tightly, and then took a big breath.

We both placed our hands on the door and pushed. The little tingling of the bell above the door signaled our arrival. Three sets of eyes swiveled in our direction. Three sets of squeals pierced the air, and scissors, combs and shampoo bottles clattered to the floor.

We cringed together as our three most favorite people in the world, rushed over and hugged us. We hugged back weakly knowing that they wouldn't be happy with us, when they witnessed the utter horror that we were about to assault them with.

"Oh my god Bel-bel I missed you sooo much!" Edward gave me one of his beautiful crooked grins. If he were straight I would totally be all over him in a heart beat, but alas he enjoys the other green patch.

"Me too, Ally, I can't believe you left us for that long," Jasper said. One of his best pouts claimed his smooth face.

"Yes, you must never go on another holiday without us. Agreed?" Emmett admonished us.

Alice and I looked at each other, guilt plainly set in our features.

"Agreed," we chimed together.

Emmett, Edward and Jasper exchanged looks, and then all three crossed their arms and cocked their hips out.

"Ok spill it, girls, what is with the whole Queen Elizabeth look?" Jazz pointed his finger at us and started twirling it so fast it started to blur. I glanced nervously at Alice.

"You first," she whispered. I sighed and lifted my hand up slowly, and untied the scarf. I watched it fall gracefully to the ground. Alice followed my lead and her scarf joined mine on the floor. I looked up and cringed at the boys faces. They didn't move.

"Say something. Please," I whispered.

"OH!" I watched as Edward's face slackened.

"EM!" Jasper looked like he was going to cry.

"GEE!" Emmett's face had tinged green, and I was sure he was going to faint.

"Can you fix it?" Alice asked, as she wrung her hands in front of her.

"Ally? What did you do?" Jazz looked a little green now, and Emmett walked over to a chair to collapse. He pulled out a large pink hand fan and started to fan himself. Edward, I think, had gone into shock.

At that exact moment the salon's owner Rosalie Hale stormed out of the back office with her bitch face on. When her eyes fell on us, she stumbled slightly on her impossibly high black stilettos. She recovered effortlessly, but the look of horror remained on her face.

"Oh dear god. Alice, Bella? Were you mauled by an angry bear?"

All I wanted to do was to sink into the floor, but these boys were the only ones who could actually help us.

"Sadly, no," Alice mumbled and stared sadly at the floor.

Rose was one of our oldest friends, and it was obvious to her how embarrassed we were by our predicament. She recouped herself quickly, pulled her bitch face back on, and turned sharply on the boys. She pointed her perfectly manicured finger at them.

"If you twinky winkies want to get paid this week, I suggest you get those ladies into their seats and get to work."

And with that she gave us a strangled smile and retreated back into her office.

"Say it with me: De-VA!" Jazz whispered, rolling his eyes.

"Diva!" Emmy and Eddie echoed.

"I heard that fag boys," Rose shouted, her voice muffled by the wall.

All of us giggled quietly.

"Okay ladies! Let's see if we can salvage any part of that monstrosity that you call a hairstyle." Edward took my hand, and led me over to my regular chair.

"Oh my gosh! Cover the mirror. Cover the mirror. I can't look at it," I squealed, squeezing my eyes shut.

"Calm down Bella, baby. I'll put a sheet over it… There all done you can open your pretty brown eyes now."

I peeked out timidly, and then sighed with relief when I saw a black sheet draped over the mirror.

"Thank you," I breathed. Edward just clicked his tongue, and he started cutting my hair.

"So what happened while we were gone?" I asked, anxious to get the boys to talk about anything but our hair.

"Carlisle and Esme got married!" Jazz stated, and from behind me I felt Edward falter.

Alice squealed and turned slightly to give me a massive grin. I frowned and shook my head minutely at her.

"What?" she asked. I sighed. Sometimes that girl could be a little thick.

"It's ok, Bel-Bel, I am totally over him."

Jazz snorted and Emmett coughed a little too loudly.

"I so am." Edward stomped his foot and I couldn't help but smile over his childish gay temper tantrum.

"What Ev-er Eddie boy," Emmet laughed, making a 'w' with his hands. "The wedding was beautiful Alice, even if we are all still a little confused why Carlisle suddenly became a yestergay."

Alice looked at me, and her lips shaped an 'oh'. I nodded at her understanding. She reached out and patted Edward's hand.

"You'll find some one amazing, Eddie, I know you will."

Which, of course caused Edward to sigh dramatically. Edward could probably have any man he wanted if he just removed the emo hiding up his ass. I know gay men love the whole brooding dark poet thing, but Edward could take it to a whole new freaky level.

"I personally think he was just fooling around. You know exploring his sexuality. He is soo straight," Emmett exclaimed into his fan.

"So is spaghetti… till you heat it up!" Edward countered. Alice and I giggled.

"Arh! Touché," Emmett tipped his imaginary hat. "Besides, Eddie, you deserve better than him. You, like, totally sparkle!"

"Really?" Edward's voice was thick with emotion.

"Totally, babe, you are the most glittery, beautiful gay I know," I smiled softly. Emmett was such a softie.

"C.O.S please," Jazz pleaded, his hands flying around Alice's hair. I'm a little shocked at how much he was taking off, but if you can't trust your hairdresser who could you trust.

"Ooooh I moved into my new apartment last week girls. It is a total gayborhood. I love it." Emmett said as he snapped his fan shut. He lifted his massive frame up from the chair with such grace he could make a prima ballerina cry.

"Oh my god, that is so beige, Emmy. Try again please," Jazzy stated, rolling his eyes dramatically, and I couldn't help but giggle.

"Ok how bout this, Jazzy!" Emmett purred as he sauntered over between Alice and myself. He smiled conspiratorially, and we leaned in eager for him to dish the dirt.

"Jazzy was shaking his groove thang over at Pop & Lock, when who else but James sidles up behind him. The two of them spent the rest of the night exploring the back of each others throat."

I gasped and glanced at Jazz for verification. He had a stupid faraway look on his gorgeous face which meant only one thing. Jazzy was getting some serious action. Alice and I both squealed, which broke Jazz out of his little dirty daydream.

"You are such a slut, Jazz," Alice giggled into her hand.

Jazz grinned over her head. "I know, right."

"That man is scrumpable," Edward murmured above me.

"Totally," Emmett's eyes glazed over and then the room went quiet as the boys recessed into their day dreams about James. I pulled a face at Alice, and she snickered.

It wasn't long before the boys had finished working their magic. Alice and I had our eyes closed tight, and were clinging to each other waiting for the unveiling of our new hair.

"I'm nervous, Al," I whispered, holding her tighter.

"Me to, B," she whispered back.

"Don't be. We are magicians, no wait we are gods!" Edward sounded proud as punch. I relaxed a little, knowing they wouldn't let us down.

"Ok my little princesses with pink wands. You can open your eyes now."

We slowly peeked out through our eyelashes, and then our eyes bugged out of our heads.

"Oh my god you guys _are_ amazing." we squealed, turning around to face them. They looked at each other, massive grins adorned their faces. Suddenly all three erupted.

"Group gay hug"

I rolled my eyes at Alice and we headed for the door, scooping our scarves up. We left our cash on the front desk, leaving the boys in their massive man cuddle..

"We'll see you bitches at Pop & Lock for cosmo's tonight," I yelled over my shoulder as we headed out the door.

As the little bell chimed and we stepped out onto the street, we could still here the boys squealing. Alice and I looked at each other grinning Cheshire style grins.

"Gays!" We laughed at our unison and started off down the street.

The End!


End file.
